Thoughts on uncertainty and living through heartbreaking times

I’ve been doing a lot of reflections these past months on the process of  change and transformation (halo pluto in Aquarius).

Specifically the way that our brain and nervous system reacts to change, and the somatic processes that unfold collectively as we continue to move through unknown terrain. 

One thing that I’ve really noticed for myself over these past years, is how much my nervous system is constantly adapting and how I’m continually growing new neural pathways through these processes. 

And feeling just how much brain capacity and regulation that takes, and how that is very energy demanding. 

I know I’m not alone when I say that I am deeply exhausted. From everything and nothing at the same time. I can't pinpoint it to a certain extent, and then it slips out of my hands. 

I am recognizing more and more that continuous uncertainty and upheaval does that to a brain and a body. I know this intimately from my own experience of childhood trauma; the disorientation, the unnamable sensations, that still feels so real, and the deep overwhelm. 

I am reminding myself that these times are a collective trauma for most of us- experienced in vastly different ways, and with further or closer proximity to the tangible traumatic experiences and outcomes.

In my reflection process, I am re(learning) the importance of naming what is here. Naming our reality, and naming the hard truths. Yes, naming it for ourselves, but also very much naming it for, and to, each other. A collective experience should also ideally be felt and processed collectively. But so often, we end up sitting with all of these massive existential and heartbreaking feelings and thoughts by ourselves. 

If nothing else, I guess that this is my invitation for all of us to come together and name our experience, virtually, from afar, in community, and intimately with our loved ones. 

To remind ourselves and each other, that we were never supposed to hold all of this alone. And also to remember, that collective processing can be deeply healing and soothing for our nervous system, and help our brains to find safety even within the uncertainty.